A favorite workout song by the Spice Girls was blasting on the radio as I finished my last set of squat jumps. As usual, I was singing loud and off-key: “So tell me what you want, what you really, really want.” Then for some reason – I’m not sure why – but I stopped singing, and for the first time, I really heard the lyrics in the next verse. “I’ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.” I’m not sure why I’d never heard the second verse, but in that moment of pausing, I thought, “Wow, how powerful would that be?” The courage to consistently tell people what I want – and then to be okay with them knowing what I want and how I feel. I decided this would be my new mantra: “Be clear and consistent in communicating what I want.”
My new mantra has me thinking about all the positives that come with asking for what you want: the possibility of greater opportunities, more satisfying work, a more accommodating schedule, greater connectedness, increase in confidence, and most importantly, being connected in a positive way with my values. These are some of the insights that followed my thinking…
- I realized that, when we don’t tell people what we want, we impose unrealized expectations on others and on ourselves.
- We run the risk of being in a state of constant disappointment, blame, shame, or “could’ve and should’ve.”
- There are times when I don’t ask for what I want because of the fear of failure, rejection, embarrassment, or disappointment.
- If we approach any request with a growth mindset, then we are always successful – no matter what happens.
Step into vulnerability and courage with a willingness to be open, honest, and transparent for a better connection with others.
Rewrite the familiar and comfortable story that plays in your head – the one that tells you, based on past experiences, exactly how a person will respond.
Find a quiet space or a time of reflection to examine what you really, really want, even when you are not sure. Be mindful that you don’t put yourself in a reflection limbo.